A Not So Secret Battle of the Assets
by unboundpen
Summary: As a way to keep up with his ninja bat-ways, Dick has taken it upon himself to rate the backside of every one of his teammates. And, no, it's not because he feels threatened. Implied OT6. Fill for a prompt from a very good friend of mine. Pre-Invasion before Zatanna, Raquel, and Roy joined


Yeah...another fill for a very close friend of mine. She wrote me a prompt a long time ago, and it's taken me forever to fill. Sorry bby. But you gave away my name! ahaha oh well.

_Prompt: Hi Frances~! Can you write about butts... And by butts, I mean fine asses? lol okay, how about you write a fic about Dick observing the team as they train? But instead on focusing their physical agility/performance, he's just judging everyone by their butts? It sounds very interesting.._

A/N: I decided it wouldn't just be in the training room, and instead just different situations. hehe

* * *

Observational skills were a must in the field, especially when dealing with Gotham's crime babies...yes, Batman wouldn't allow him to take care of the more dangerous crime on his own, so he was assigned crime babies. Dick was insulted of course, hence the nickname.

But nonetheless, what with Bruce's refusal to budge on the subject matter, Dick decided that it was best to try using his observational skills everywhere...when the team was on the downlow: in the common room, at the beach, or in the showers.

His topic of interest at the moment was the physical attributes of the whole team, because he could not deny that Young Justice was made up of a good looking group of teens. Well sure the usual observations were of chiseled jaws, long lashes, color of eyes, quirk of the lips, color of hair and so on, but in this case, since everyone was beautiful/handsome in their own way, he had to judge them all based on _his_ best asset...their ass.

xXx

Dick decided that Wally would be up as his first observational subject because he just happened to be wearing his uniform with the arrow pointing down to his butt. It was pretty much a given.

His friend, his bestest superfriend in the whole wide universe -something he had corrected when Wally said that 'world' just didn't cut it anymore- was a runner. Now runners got a fairly good workout on their lower body and Wally was no exception, despite all the junk food he was always shoving down his throat.

Dick remained stoic as he listened to his friend yammer on about the day's easy subject in class, quantum mechanics...or more specifically, intermolecular forces. The redhead had been walking a little more ahead of him and had suddenly dropped some of the items that had been teetering off the edge of the grocery bag he held. Having already been staring at his friend's backside, Dick essentially got a better view as Wally bent forward to plop the bag on the ground and place the fallen items back into it.

Hmm...

Like most backsides, Wally's got a little more taut due to the strain in stretching the muscles, but overall it was decent. All muscle and no fat, as it should be for a person whose metabolism ate away at adipose tissue. Dick could see that Wally's calves were a bit tight since he was slightly bent at the knees, but nothing that a little stretching wouldn't fix.

Overall assessment: 7...It was a bit on the small side.

xXx

M'gann was an altogether different matter to ponder on. Why? It's because she could shape into any form that would please her. And...he was really judging someone else's butt rather than her own...Nonetheless it was a part she had chosen to copy, thus it did belong to her in some way (not to mention that the person she had copied was most likely in her thirties now).

One thing he thought he would never have thought -be it that he was a teenage boy- was that her skirt was a horrid thing. Yes, quite appalling to say, but the damn thing got in the way and certainly didn't do anything to flatter her, well maybe her legs, but Dick prefered an ass to go with a nice pair of legs. After a few days of frustrating and disappointing results, he did manage to figure out a way to observe her backside, and that was when they were relaxing at the beach.

Now Martian skin was more susceptible to the sun's rays compared to humans. Dick didn't have to ask why, the distance between Mars and the Sun was far greater than the distance between the Earth and the Sun, which meant Martian skin wasn't all that used to that much ultraviolet waves (the speed at which the photons traveled would have lessened by the time they reached Mars). So, it was only right for her to apply copious amounts of sunblock at a shortened time interval as compared to the wait time that a human would apply sunblock.

It just so happened that Robin had decided to take a break from his epic splash battle with Conner under the beach umbrella, which was closest to M'gann's sandcastle. When she had politely requested for him to help her with applying sunblock to her back...well...he couldn't exactly refuse. Especially when she always gave the sweetest kisses after being helped.

"So Karen decided that cutting off her puffs would benefit her aerodynamics for the Bumblebees. What do you think?"

The cap of the bottle snapped back, but didn't close completely, and Robin set it aside on the warm sand beside him. He spread the lotion all over his hands and waited for a few seconds to let it warm up. (Even if he enjoyed her small squeals of surprise, he wasn't feeling that cruel today.)

"Sure it does, M'gann. Besides I think a girl is entitled to go through a short hair phase at least once in their life. I mean there's Emma Watson and Rihanna, as well as that time when Britney Spears went crazy and went bald."

When he laid his hands on her back, she let out a quiet sigh, which allowed a small smile to grow on his face. His thumbs drew small circles, massaging some of the lotion onto her smooth skin.

"Hmm, do you think I would look nice with short hair?"

Ever the ward of the playboy Bruce Wayne, Robin replied with ease. "Hey, I still thought you were pretty when you showed us that fake version of your true form, and you were bald then...although there would be something to say about Martian Manhunter."

Robin felt her giggle, and chortled himself. "I think Uncle J'ohnn wouldn't feel offended if I told him you think he's pretty."

"He's a pretty chill guy, once you get past his title of actually being a Manhunter."

"Mmm he does seem pretty scary when you first meet him."

The thought of his first meeting with the Martian Manhunter hadn't been much of a scary encounter, and he shrugged as he poured more lotion onto his hand and repeated the procedure, only this time, he moved to her thighs.

"When you have Batman as a mentor, nothing else really is that scary, unless you deal with some of the bad guys from Gotham."

She looked over her shoulder, "I guess nothing really scares you, huh?"

He shook his head, meeting her uncertain eyes through the shades, "That's a lie."

"Oh?"

His hands moved to her other thigh, spreading the remaining lotion, "There are a few things that scare me."

There was a slight pause until she decided she was curious enough to prompt him lightly, "Like?"

"Like...like seeing the last memory of my family through my dreams."

He may not have seen it, but he knew there must have been a pained expression on her face. It really wasn't her fault and she shouldn't feel guilty about anything. At least, that's what he thought.

"Oh Robin...You don't have to talk about them if you don't want to. You said enough during the campfire."

He shook his head with a forced grin, "I can't really stop those from coming, it's fine. But there's another thing that I'm afraid of."

"I...okay...what else are you afraid of?"

Robin paused, and pulled his hands away, finished with his task and put up the act of thinking deeply. "Are you sure you want to hear?"

"Of course!" M'gann's face scrunched up in slight annoyance mixed in with the already there concern.

"Well...I'm afraid that some of my teammates may have better asses than me," and with that he reached out and swatted her bikini clad bottom and got up to run away just before he witnessed her face morph into a look that may or may not resemble a look that Artemis gave Wally when he ate the last brownie.

He hated to admit it but his getaway ninja skills were no match for a Martian's telekinesis, and thus, he found himself being levitated in the air and unceremoniously dumped into the harbor...on the deeper end. When he had resurfaced, the same bottom that he had smacked was swaying back towards the sandy area.

And given his results, he was pretty satisfied with them. Robin grinned through the salty water that dripped down his face.

Overall assessment: 7...It jiggled and stopped within a centisecond time period. Decent, but not really impressive.

xXx

Now Robin had a theory. Many of his teammates had suggested that the reason behind Conner's lack of anger recently had been the many therapy and training sessions with Black Canary. Okay, sure that may have helped, but Robin suspected that all that anger was being stored in the clone's backside. Don't laugh, it was a plausible theory. Nevermind Conner's lack of human contact for the last "sixteen" years of his life. All those bursts of anger every time his ass was so much as brushed gently, he would twirl around and glare furiously at the culprit until they withered like a dehydrated plant on the spot. (Poor Wally, he was an ass man too.)

Since Wally was barred from going anywhere near their clone's butt, it was up to Kaldur to help with his research, unbeknownst to the Atlantean of course. It was a silent observational study after all.

That was why he was squished in between the two powerhouses of the team on the rec-room couch -a decent piece of furniture for makeout sessions. Despite how hot it was getting in the room because the silent gasps from Kaldur and the heavy grunts from Conner, Robin still had a goal in mind. So when Conner decided to direct his attention to their team leader's lips instead of Robin's neck, the clever birdie distractedly mouthed Conner's collarbone -a sensitive area that M'gann had told him and Artemis- while he directed his hands to skim from his chest, around his waist and down to cup both cheeks. It would be an understatement to say that Conner stopped moving upon the sudden contact. More like he froze. There was a small shift in body movement until Robin was being stared at in confusion.

But before he could really say anything to ruin the mood -the clone did have a knack for doing that even when everyone had already gotten used to the most asinine things Wally would say- Kaldur skimmed his own hands up Robin's body, down his arms, and placed them atop the birdie's hands, squeezing to most likely ease the awkwardness slowly building. The Atlantean leaned forward to press obscenely wet kisses along Robin's neck, the ones that always made him shiver, and as a way to bring Conner back into the feel of things, Robin pressed his own lips against Conner's.

With Kaldur's eager encouragement, Robin was able to make his findings much clearer while enjoying the activity.

Overall Assessment: An impressive 8. Can't really expect much less from the cloned ass of Superman...But he did come to the conclusion that no, Conner's rage was not suppressed within his ass.

xXx

Gotham always had a way of making itself impressionable on its people, Gotham heros included. When daylight painted the city, when pollution allowed a greenish tint to cover the brick and cement buildings, everything seemed alright with the city, to a point that it seemed almost as carefree as Central City, but it was during the cool blistering nights that led everyone to fear the dark, yet some were so used to it that they knew the risk of venturing down a darkened street.

Robin had known Artemis' identity and family history for awhile, having done his research the moment he met the girl. Along with that info he had come across that her home city was Gotham and not Star City, as would be expected. So after everyone had established mutual attraction for one another, he had always taken it upon himself to sneak into the blonde archer's room on the nights of a more strenuous mission or whenever he saw the twinge of stress and worry that kept her shoulders tight and a guarded look in her eyes when walking through the zeta tube.

Tonight was no exception, and he knew she knew he would sneak into her bed later that night after he sidled up next to her during one of the team's training sessions with Black Canary. M'gann must have sensed her troubling aura as well, and probably had offered to sleep in the other girl's bed along with her. When Robin had pulled back the covers, the Martian's arms had already bound themselves around the younger girl and had already succumbed to sleep.

Artemis acknowledged him by turning her head with a solemn smile. "Hey."

Slipping in, he wrapped his own arms under M'gann's and pecked Artemis on the cheek, "Hey yourself."

Maybe it was the fact that they were both from Gotham, but sometimes talking about how emotionally draining it was to live in that city, especially when they were heroes of that city. That was how Robin found solace in Artemis, and he figured she in him. There was just something about the way she felt in his arms, the way that comforting weight and heat she provided traveled from his fingertips, up his arms, and throughout his body until he was fully content. So it was automatic to let himself snuggle up closer to her until his front was fully pressed up against her back, almost drowning in her golden tresses -not that he minded though.

And somewhere in the back of his mind, a little voice reminded him of his personal assignment that he had started. This whole situation was so routine that it just felt normal, but he forced his subconscious to analyze just before he and Artemis drifted off to join M'gann.

Overall assessment: 8, even if he was on the small side, there is no doubt that her bottom would be a perfect fit to his groin once he's done growing.

xXx

Out of everyone on the team Robin felt that rating Kaldur's ass had to be done in a strict manner, mostly because he was the team leader, and as team leader, he had to lead by example. So it was pretty obvious that Robin couldn't just rate Kaldur based on a one time observation.

It was also another way to practice stealth mode and to test his leader's capability in sensing if he was being followed or not. So whenever he was hidden within the shadows, Robin paid close attention when Kaldur was in the vicinity.

But, it didn't take long for Kaldur to catch on to his intentions, and for a few days, the Atlantean even entertained the both of them, reaching up to grab something from the cupboard, practicing traditional Atlantean dances when it seemed like no one was around, and even choosing to swim the butterfly stroke just so his backside would peak out of the waters.

However, Kaldur deemed it finally time to confront Robin with his infatuation with his butt.

Kaldur had been walking away from the entrance to Atlantis and up to his room, when he suddenly stopped and looked up with an amused look on his face. "Robin, I may not be well versed on land customs, but I believe that following one's partner and teammate is considered...forgive me, would 'whack' be the correct term in this sentence?"

It wasn't really his fault, and his position had been compromised anyway, so Dick let out his signature giggle as he dropped right in front of Kaldur, a wide grin spread across his face.

"Whack is a word that would've been socially acceptable in the 90's, Kaldur. I think the word you're looking for would be creepy."

The older boy smiled, his eyes crinkling with silent laughter, "The team and I have already established that your unannounced disappearances and arrivals are unnerving...and slightly irritating."

"Slightly irritating," he pouted, just for show, "now I'm hurt."

"All in good humor, and playing fool to that just makes this even more amusing on my end, yes?"

Somehow, whenever their conversations got like this -instant quips at each other- Dick always got the thrill of being turned on. It was just the way that Kaldur's always somewhat hinting tone that made him heat up. And the ever formal speech just made it even hotter.

"Of course, I aim to humor, don't I?"

"That you do, my songbird. Would you care to give me reason as to why you have been following me for the past week?"

"Now who's playing fool?" Dick could only tilt his head to the side and grin widely back at the team leader.

"Forgive me, I assumed that you were following me to view my body from afar," Kaldur murmured, approaching the young acrobat, "I just wanted to hear you say it is all."

"Mmm," Dick went up on his tiptoes to reach up to wrap his arms around the Atlantean's broad shoulders, "it wasn't so much as your whole body, Kal. I was just staring at your ass for the past week is all."

"This would not be because of your sudden recent infatuation with everyone's backsides, would it?" Kaldur could only raise an eyebrow in amusement as he leaned in closer to make his inquiry more meaningful. And before Dick could even answer back with another witty comment, Kaldur said, "And do not think to deny it, my songbird, for I have noticed."

Dick pouted, amused that the older boy's eyes had been drawn to his lips for a moment before they looked back up to meet his own covered eyes again, "I was just trying to see which one of you had the best ass."

"And," there was that hint of a smirk again, "what conclusion have you reached?"

Dick hummed for a moment, brushing his lips across a dark cheekbone in thought, "I can't say I've reached a conclusion since I haven't gotten enough research for yours yet," his eyes caught something just before he pulled away and grabbed one of the hands that had wrapped around his waist, "but you could help me right now."

Kaldur chuckled and followed after him with no resistance through the doorway into one of the empty rooms, "If my songbird needs more information on an assignment, who am I to stand in the way?"

_Many hours later_

Dick groans, snuggling into his pillow, feeling all kinds of pangs throughout his body. His mind reeled in assessment, and he begrudgingly made his rating.

Overall assessment: 9, Kaldur's ass was firm enough to hold onto, looked great in any position, and the only reason why it was a 9 was because Dick, himself (even if this made him sound like an egoist), knew that no one could beat his perfect 10 ass.


End file.
